Interview with a Dominant – part seven

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This is part seven of eight segements in which Master Vile Woods interviewed me regarding the BDSM lifestyle which Mynx and I lead. When Master Vile quizzed me regarding my life as a Dominant and how that parlayed into our world, it forced me to take a deeper look at myself. Many thoughts and ideas about TTWD have been borne since then, and knowing it’s been nearly a year since that interview was posted and I thought I would repost it in easier to digest “bite sized” chunks so as to offer a bit more detail and stimulate new conversations about it while reinvigorating former dialogues.

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(7) Do you have any rules or protocols in place. if so was it your idea to implement the rules?

Protocols. Each night before we crawl under the covers, Mynx will retrieve her ‘Master’s Desire’ cuffs I rewarded her with, cross the bed in her very seductive way, kneel before me, and ask, “Sir? May I please wear your cuffs?” and then, “Sir? May I please enter your bed?” Both of these are more about her regrounding her submission more than stroking an ego. These protocols help keep her in a submissive mindset. I enjoy it because of the smile which comes over her as she approaches. It pleases me, and therefore I know pleases her.

Note: Since this original post, we’ve had to modify this a bit because of the restraining nature of the cuffs creating impingement issues aggravating Mynx’ wrists when worn overnight. She still asks to enter my bed, but the cuffs aren’t part of this anymore for us. I have, however, continued to use them in some scenes during play, or, utilized her suspension cuffs as alternative since they’re much more supportive. These are very high quality and come highly recommended. The Master’s Desire web site can be found here. He is a quality craftsman who stands behind his work.

Before a scene, her task is to prepare the room to my request. She’ll then clean herself inside and out, shaving in all of the right places, then kneel on her pillow, stretched out, eyes down, palms up. I’ll ask her to wear my cuffs and collar, praise her for the excellent submissive she is, then bestow my pleasures upon her. All of this always begins with asking her for her safe words as a reminder of my love for her through her safety. Don’t get me wrong, she’s taken some serious heat from my hands, flogger, paddle, bamboo cane, etc… but when she’s had enough and cannot be pushed another second, I’ll know the signs and slow things down before she calls it. Those in wanna-be, one-night D/s relationships can never know their sub-miss well enough to stop before inflicting harm. In the past year, Mynx has safe worded twice and both times it was more from pure exhaustion than lack of tolerance.

Rules. We have very few rules. I like to know where she is and what her plans are. She doesn’t have to, but she wants to make me aware. What do I want for dinner? She asks because she loves to serve and please. Respect. I open car doors and front doors, I pull out her chair and typically order for her. A running joke when we’re out to eat is when she says, “May I straw you, Sir?” So the story goes, we looked at each other one day and said, huh, we don’t have many rules or protocols, let’s google that… One D/s couple made a big deal out her “strawing him” and that it was a major infraction if she didn’t. Seriously? Okay, I won’t judge, but seriously, THERE ARE more important things in life.

We do have rules by structure and schedules, pretty much like anyone does, vanilla or otherwise. Things happen with schedules and they can change. Altering plans may need to happen from time to time. We talk about them as a means of respect for each other. But the rules, such as what her bedtime is, can be changed by permission only. If she’s not followed the rule, we discuss it. I will not punish her for a mistake. A mistake on her part means that I have somehow led her into it by missing the mark on explaining or helping her understand my expectations.

Conversely, defiance or deliberately breaking a rule is disrespectful to me and prompts a conversation about respect which then becomes hyper-focused on the rule. I do not mix BDSM and punishment. The two are mutually exclusive. BDSM is for pleasure. Punishment is not. So, for example, if Mynx misses the mark on bedtime, then she might loose the privilege of wearing her cuffs to bed. If she jumps out of the car on her own, she’ll loose the privilege of me opening her door for her the rest of the day. Those are more memorable and a better reprimand than I can ever dole out through a paddle.

Dominant’s or Master’s who take the time to know and understand their sub’s and slave’s will reap tremendous rewards which cannot be found in one-nighters. You speak of it often Vile, and I hope that the submissive’s and slave’s craving the dominance don’t sell themselves short by giving up of themselves too early to their Dom or Master. The true reward in D/s M/s is waiting until you know each other sufficiently, including exploration of each other’s bodies well before pain is inflicted. Everything else usually ends in drama and tears because the sub-miss feels taken advantage of or betrayed.

-Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)
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