Interview with a Dominant – part one

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Last year, I had the opportunity to be quizzed by Master Vile regarding my life as a Dominant and how that parlayed into our world. It’s been nearly a year since that interview was posted and I thought I would repost it in easier to digest “bite sized” chunks so as to offer a bit more detail and stimulate new conversations about it while reinvigorating former dialogues. This is part one of eight segements in which Master Vile Woods interviewed me regarding the BDSM lifestyle which Mynx and I lead.

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(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle, and to what degree did you want to take it?

I never really knew it by definition until Mynx became entrenched in reading about it. It was the FSOG craze which piqued her interest, but she quickly learned of the lack of reality and substance when compared to the real Dominant and submissive “in real life” meanings.

After quizzing her about what she was reading, I decided to read a story which Mynx had just finished by Kallypso Masters, I cannot remember which one. It was at that moment, that my vision became clear regarding the definition of dominant. A true dominant is a leader, and one who is respected for his (or her) decisions by their respective submissive person(s). The understanding of the definition of “Dominant” stopped me in my tracks. Mynx wanted it, I wasn’t sure how to give it in the way that she wanted, and so I read even more. That’s where I learned about safewords, abuse, domineering, a new way to love.and so much more.

So Mynx and I have had bedroom kink since our early dating, pre-engagement years, but never really gave it much thought beyond bedroom kinkiness. So like Mynx, I began reading, researching, discovering what it was behind the door of this thing called D/s. I was a Dominant person, people naturally followed and listened. The introspection helped me see that people really were looking to me for help in decisions and how to proceed. Frankly, the reality and gravity of it all scared the shit out of me. It drove me to learn more and made me look at Mynx with a whole new perspective. As much as I was a Dominant person, she was submissive, not by day, but more-so by night. In all of her daylight hours, she is a natural leader and always has been since coming out of her teenage shell. She has excelled at every position she’s ever held.

Revelations in hand, I then read a book called “Different Loving” which further changed my perspective of her submission, and, my dominance. At the same time, I couldn’t get enough information from submissive blogs; I was a junkie, a lurker, I had to know and understand more of the submissive mindset and thought process. In these travels, I have discovered that I am not afraid to take what is mine, mine is what she offers; herself.

Sapiosexuality. (sā-pē-ō-sĕk-shü-ăl’ĭ-tē) I am captivated by the allure of poking someone’s brain through wittiness instead of plain sex. It’s a crazy high that I get from a conversation full of innuendos or “a good yarn” as much as it is having sex. I’ve learned that I get the same endorphin rush out of both. Steering that conversation just as a Dom steers a scene is amazingly incredible. It’s the wittiness of the banter which stimulates thought process and drives my desire for more. I find the same desire and wittiness in my Mynx, it just one of many of her endearing qualities.

Do I want more? Does Mynx want more? Yes, and yes. But it is about balance. In our present state of relationship given our children who play a major part of our life, put us presently at maximum capacity. 24/7 D/s in a household which includes children of any age if they’re living at home becomes challenging. The suggestive creativity of innuendos is how we survive until we find ourselves alone in some way.

-Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)
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15 thoughts on “Interview with a Dominant – part one

  1. Very well written. While we are not D/s- I don’t think he is a D, while I am most certainly an s- what we took out of all of this is respect. We always speak to each other in a respectful manor. Always. I have learned to say if something is bothering me right away instead of letting it fester. He has learned to listen better. I take joy in serving him where before my friends would ridicule me for “spoiling” him. I let them get into my brain. Now I don’t even hear them. We are happily married for nearly 31 years and more in love than ever. I think every healthy relationship can take aspects of D/s to deepen their connection. I look forward to your future posts.

  2. We are always finding ways to work around the challenge of kids at home too. Lol. Such a fun part of our D/s.

    • You’ve nailed it, miss Angel! It’s got to be enjoyable else it really has no meaning. That’s not say there aren’t some serious moments, but it all gets fouled up when people, in general, take themselves too seriously.

      I appreciate you, miss Angel… 😎

  3. Bedroom kink…yes…that’s how we started out too (many moons ago). Then we moved on from there to DD. And now to D/s. It has been an interesting journey. As for having kids living at home…well, it certainly does foster creativity! 😉

    • What is your defined DD mean? What about your journey has been so interesting? Where do you believe your journey is leading you and your Dom-husband, miss Lilli?

      • Such probing questions! lol

        Let’s see…dd=domestic discipline. To me it’s basically just a subset of D/s, though some in the lifestyle wouldn’t agree. I would say it’s a bit different mindset. Instead of Dom/sub, Master/slave or Sir/pet (which are of course similar, yet different), it’s sometimes referred to as HOH/tih (Head of Household/taken in hand). With HOH/tih the couple is often married or at least in a long term monogamous relationship. There is dominance and submission (though some wouldn’t phrase it that way…they might choose other words such as respect or deference, perhaps), and there’s a discipline aspect. But the couple may not partake in any other tenets of D/s or BDSM, nor in some cases may they even consider what they do related to it.

        What about our journey has been so interesting? Oh goodness, that’s difficult to answer in a concise way. I guess I could sum it up by saying that to me the growth and changes in both of us as individuals and as a couple have been interesting to me. Although sometimes it hasn’t been change so much, but the peeling back of layers and getting to know ourselves and each other at a deeper level.

        Where are we heading? Well, I suppose that remains to be seen. But, recently Nash and I have been exploring the Daddy Dom/babygirl dynamic. Well, I say recently, but I suspect it has been there to one degree or another all along.

        • Very interesting. Clearly, you have done your homework, miss Lilli. Impressive. Generally speaking, there are not many who could have articulated this so well, especially when it comes to “peeling back the layers” of yourselves. This is the part of our journey which has had the most appeal; the more we seem to know about each other the less we internalize, and the more respect we seem to exercise toward one another. Is that how you’re seeing yourselves too?

          • I think you and I may be thinking of internalization differently. To me, when you internalize something it’s like really going beyond the surface, not just learning about something in the abstract, but really giving it some thought and consideration and then making it your own. You seem to be coming from the vantage point of internalizing something meaning more like someone withdrawing and keeping things to themselves. To me, internalization doesn’t have to have a negative connotation.

            As far as respect goes, yes, there definitely seems to be more of that between us. I also see more freedom for us to each be ourselves and learn and grow together.

            Btw, I got a giggle out of you referencing “peeling back the layers” and then saying that it had the most “appeal.” 😉

            • So as in “a peel” or “appeal” … LoL … I get what you’re saying and you’re right on miss Lilli … Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself here❤️

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