Last year, I had the opportunity to be quizzed by Master Vile regarding my life as a Dominant and how that parlayed into our world. It’s been nearly a year since that interview was posted and I thought I would repost it in easier to digest “bite sized” chunks so as to offer a bit more detail and stimulate new conversations about it while reinvigorating former dialogues. This is part one of eight segements in which Master Vile Woods interviewed me regarding the BDSM lifestyle which Mynx and I lead.
(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle, and to what degree did you want to take it?
I never really knew it by definition until Mynx became entrenched in reading about it. It was the FSOG craze which piqued her interest, but she quickly learned of the lack of reality and substance when compared to the real Dominant and submissive “in real life” meanings.
After quizzing her about what she was reading, I decided to read a story which Mynx had just finished by Kallypso Masters, I cannot remember which one. It was at that moment, that my vision became clear regarding the definition of dominant. A true dominant is a leader, and one who is respected for his (or her) decisions by their respective submissive person(s). The understanding of the definition of “Dominant” stopped me in my tracks. Mynx wanted it, I wasn’t sure how to give it in the way that she wanted, and so I read even more. That’s where I learned about safewords, abuse, domineering, a new way to love.and so much more.
So Mynx and I have had bedroom kink since our early dating, pre-engagement years, but never really gave it much thought beyond bedroom kinkiness. So like Mynx, I began reading, researching, discovering what it was behind the door of this thing called D/s. I was a Dominant person, people naturally followed and listened. The introspection helped me see that people really were looking to me for help in decisions and how to proceed. Frankly, the reality and gravity of it all scared the shit out of me. It drove me to learn more and made me look at Mynx with a whole new perspective. As much as I was a Dominant person, she was submissive, not by day, but more-so by night. In all of her daylight hours, she is a natural leader and always has been since coming out of her teenage shell. She has excelled at every position she’s ever held.
Revelations in hand, I then read a book called “Different Loving” which further changed my perspective of her submission, and, my dominance. At the same time, I couldn’t get enough information from submissive blogs; I was a junkie, a lurker, I had to know and understand more of the submissive mindset and thought process. In these travels, I have discovered that I am not afraid to take what is mine, mine is what she offers; herself.
Sapiosexuality. (sā-pē-ō-sĕk-shü-ăl’ĭ-tē) I am captivated by the allure of poking someone’s brain through wittiness instead of plain sex. It’s a crazy high that I get from a conversation full of innuendos or “a good yarn” as much as it is having sex. I’ve learned that I get the same endorphin rush out of both. Steering that conversation just as a Dom steers a scene is amazingly incredible. It’s the wittiness of the banter which stimulates thought process and drives my desire for more. I find the same desire and wittiness in my Mynx, it just one of many of her endearing qualities.
Do I want more? Does Mynx want more? Yes, and yes. But it is about balance. In our present state of relationship given our children who play a major part of our life, put us presently at maximum capacity. 24/7 D/s in a household which includes children of any age if they’re living at home becomes challenging. The suggestive creativity of innuendos is how we survive until we find ourselves alone in some way.
-Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)