It’s been two months since my first taste of a woman, and the cementing of her in my heart. <3
…a heartfelt post by Mynx…
But still today I wrestle with my feelings and where and how this all fits into my life, and where does it all go from here? At times I am overwhelmed by my feelings for my precious BoPeep, and sometimes overwhelmed by life. Then of course there is my life with Sir, my life partner and soul mate. How does this all blend, how do you keep it all in perspective?
At times I feel some guilt for the depth of my feelings for my Peep, and the sharing of my heart my Sir has to endure with someone else now. But the guilt soon fades as I sit and talk through things with Sir, and he expresses his pleasure and happiness over the friendship and love I have for Peep, and the return of that love she gives to me. It also fades further as that phone call or text that ends with Peep, and I realize how much happier in life I am, and how full she has made my heart. I never want to experience a day where she has not been a part of it.
This past week she had so much happening in her world. The graduation of one of her children from high school, and much family descended upon her humble abode. She had places to be, celebrations to attend, meals to prepare, and family to juggle. And I was not fitting into her day so well. I was feeling the pinch… the feeling of being left out of something so important to her. If she didn’t live so far away, I would have loved being a small part of their celebration, to witness their joy, to be there to help run interference for her and her Sir with parental units who are aging and at times disgruntled and difficult. But It was not meant to be and my feelings were suffering. Peep knew I was feeling the bite and she worked hard to find time and ways to include me in her day. She never fails to bring my spirits back in line. This is what people do who have love in their hearts for someone! 🙂
So the big question that looms over us now, is where do we go from here? Will there be intimacy every time we’re together? How do we continue to afford financially the time to spend with one another?
Planning; Every time we’re together I want, no, need the next trip planed to have something to look forward to, and a countdown needs to begin. I feel as if I’m in a cyclic hell in between visits, and work becomes unbearable, and I all I want is to be back near my friend! Yes, I need to plan and have the next visit to look forward to in order to offset the time apart.
Sex; It’s not all about the sex either… Oh my, yes, I do enjoy the feel of her skin against my skin, and the taste of every inch of her body, make no mistake about that! But it’s more about the person that she is; the woman, mother, wife, submissive, friend, professional, and person with the biggest heart I know. The sex? We fit it in where and when possible. And I hope we never part ways from each visit without a little something to tide us over to the next time! Something we need to discuss with our Sirs, as we may need to enlist their help at times with that one as all of our upcoming plans involve our children. But more important than the sex is the love I have of time spent with this dear woman. I love the talks, sharing, and friendship that takes place between us. I don’t have to taste her pussy to enjoy the feast of our friendship, the sex is more like desert! And oh how I love desert, but can’t and shouldn’t always have it! But when I do it will be savored for sure!
Affordability; I know we cannot be together all of the time. Our Sir’s will do their best to get us together as often as possible, because I know my Sir and DMW care about us in a whole new way. If she lived closer, maybe we’d see each other more but it falls back to planning and being able to look forward to the next visit, however far away it may be. Yes, we live in the same time zone, 8+ hours by car and a bit more than hour by air. The distance we bridge by text tides us both over until we can be together again.
The driving force behind all of this effort is Peep. She fills my heart. She offers love, happiness, laughter, and support to all she loves. She makes me think harder, and feel more. She helps me to understand things that cloud my mind. She explains things to me when the blonde I resemble takes over. She is “my person.” She comes to my mind upon waking up in the morning soon after I lean into my sexy Sir requesting he remove my cuffs so I may start my day. And she is in my thoughts as I lay my head on my pillow each night as I turn out the lights, and reflect on my day, and wish I had a quick snuggle from her too, as I snuggle into my warm loving Dom.
So where does it go from here? It goes where ever we take it. And I pray that it only grows and further becomes this “friendship fortress” that we defend always. I pray that our love of friendship and each others families continue to grow and thrive. I pray we always nurture and protect what we have built as our foundation of this friendship, so it always stands proud, strong, and unbreakable. I still believe that God brought us together, and I’m not sure He has revealed His complete plan for us yet, so I pray our hearts are always open to the rest of His plan.
As I have spent the last two months sorting my feelings, I have struggled to compartmentalize them as I know Peep does with hers. She sorts and files them well, and as needed. She is an analytical and logical thinker, where I, on the other hand, am more an abstract and emotional thinker. If there is a negative to be found I will find it! This is where Peep and my Sir are so much alike, and probably why they get along so well as Sir is also analytical and logical in his thinking and approach to life. They both offer me a balance, and a safety net.
Then there is Sir… This man and his open and gracious love for me still baffles me. Just the mere fact that he is willing to allow me this type of friendship and exploration is mind blowing. He was the one that months ago brought up the idea of girl on girl with Peep, and I was the one that said “oh no way!” I further went on to tell him that I never desired to be with a woman, and would never put my friendship with her in jeopardy like that. He kept telling me to open my mind, to relax, and just see if those feelings changed and developed. And like everything else I oppose him on, he was right. He’s always right. And he will love that I am publicly admitting this fact.
I trust and trusted Sir and he was right… I trust and trusted Peep, and I trust and trusted the friendship and communication we all had and continue to have. I surprised myself that I not only wanted to be with a woman, but that I was the more aggressive one when we did finally get together. Sir’s assessment and his verbal instruction to Peep was that she would have to make the first move, and I not only surprised them both but myself in the process.
But while I have been working through all of this extra emotion, and self discovery, I feel like my submission to Sir has slipped. I have been unhappy while apart from Peep, not seeing the happiness and joy I have here at home. But I see it now, I want and need it now. I am finding the balance within myself, and in and with my Sir. I’m finding the joy in my life and need only to take Sir and Peep along for the ride!
Sir and I have talked many times of my feelings, but not to the depth I think I am now. This post marked an open discussion between us that was needed before this post was published on our blog; Sir always approves my drafts. I need and want his Dominance more than ever! I need and want his ropes about my body! I need and want his demand and denial of my orgasms. I need and want his play and control over my body and life! I need and want his desire for my submission so that my head can clear, and I know where my heart and mind are when it comes to my Peep! Otherwise my head is in limbo, and I need it to clear, but my heart will always have room for both! One as my life partner and Dom and one as my lifelong friend with benefits! ;D
Warm, submissive thoughts…