Feelings – the desire for…

It’s been two months since my first taste of a woman, and the cementing of her in my heart. <3

…a heartfelt post by Mynx…

But still today I wrestle with my feelings and where and how this all fits into my life, and where does it all go from here? At times I am overwhelmed by my feelings for my precious BoPeep, and sometimes overwhelmed by life. Then of course there is my life with Sir, my life partner and soul mate. How does this all blend, how do you keep it all in perspective?

At times I feel some guilt for the depth of my feelings for my Peep, and the sharing of my heart my Sir has to endure with someone else now. But the guilt soon fades as I sit and talk through things with Sir, and he expresses his pleasure and happiness over the friendship and love I have for Peep, and the return of that love she gives to me. It also fades further as that phone call or text that ends with Peep, and I realize how much happier in life I am, and how full she has made my heart. I never want to experience a day where she has not been a part of it.

This past week she had so much happening in her world. The graduation of one of her children from high school, and much family descended upon her humble abode. She had places to be, celebrations to attend, meals to prepare, and family to juggle. And I was not fitting into her day so well. I was feeling the pinch… the feeling of being left out of something so important to her. If she didn’t live so far away, I would have loved being a small part of their celebration, to witness their joy, to be there to help run interference for her and her Sir with parental units who are aging and at times disgruntled and difficult. But It was not meant to be and my feelings were suffering. Peep knew I was feeling the bite and she worked hard to find time and ways to include me in her day. She never fails to bring my spirits back in line. This is what people do who have love in their hearts for someone! 🙂

So the big question that looms over us now, is where do we go from here? Will there be intimacy every time we’re together? How do we continue to afford financially the time to spend with one another?

Planning; Every time we’re together I want, no, need the next trip planed to have something to look forward to, and a countdown needs to begin. I feel as if I’m in a cyclic hell in between visits, and work becomes unbearable, and I all I want is to be back near my friend! Yes, I need to plan and have the next visit to look forward to in order to offset the time apart.

Sex; It’s not all about the sex either… Oh my, yes, I do enjoy the feel of her skin against my skin, and the taste of every inch of her body, make no mistake about that! But it’s more about the person that she is; the woman, mother, wife, submissive, friend, professional, and person with the biggest heart I know. The sex? We fit it in where and when possible. And I hope we never part ways from each visit without a little something to tide us over to the next time! Something we need to discuss with our Sirs, as we may need to enlist their help at times with that one as all of our upcoming plans involve our children. But more important than the sex is the love I have of time spent with this dear woman. I love the talks, sharing, and friendship that takes place between us. I don’t have to taste her pussy to enjoy the feast of our friendship, the sex is more like desert! And oh how I love desert, but can’t and shouldn’t always have it! But when I do it will be savored for sure!

Affordability; I know we cannot be together all of the time. Our Sir’s will do their best to get us together as often as possible, because I know my Sir and DMW care about us in a whole new way. If she lived closer, maybe we’d see each other more but it falls back to planning and being able to look forward to the next visit, however far away it may be. Yes, we live in the same time zone, 8+ hours by car and a bit more than hour by air. The distance we bridge by text tides us both over until we can be together again.

The driving force behind all of this effort is Peep. She fills my heart. She offers love, happiness, laughter, and support to all she loves. She makes me think harder, and feel more. She helps me to understand things that cloud my mind. She explains things to me when the blonde I resemble takes over. She is “my person.” She comes to my mind upon waking up in the morning soon after I lean into my sexy Sir requesting he remove my cuffs so I may start my day. And she is in my thoughts as I lay my head on my pillow each night as I turn out the lights, and reflect on my day, and wish I had a quick snuggle from her too, as I snuggle into my warm loving Dom.

So where does it go from here? It goes where ever we take it. And I pray that it only grows and further becomes this “friendship fortress” that we defend always. I pray that our love of friendship and each others families continue to grow and thrive. I pray we always nurture and protect what we have built as our foundation of this friendship, so it always stands proud, strong, and unbreakable. I still believe that God brought us together, and I’m not sure He has revealed His complete plan for us yet, so I pray our hearts are always open to the rest of His plan.

As I have spent the last two months sorting my feelings, I have struggled to compartmentalize them as I know Peep does with hers. She sorts and files them well, and as needed. She is an analytical and logical thinker, where I, on the other hand, am more an abstract and emotional thinker. If there is a negative to be found I will find it! This is where Peep and my Sir are so much alike, and probably why they get along so well as Sir is also analytical and logical in his thinking and approach to life. They both offer me a balance, and a safety net.

Then there is Sir… This man and his open and gracious love for me still baffles me. Just the mere fact that he is willing to allow me this type of friendship and exploration is mind blowing. He was the one that months ago brought up the idea of girl on girl with Peep, and I was the one that said “oh no way!” I further went on to tell him that I never desired to be with a woman, and would never put my friendship with her in jeopardy like that. He kept telling me to open my mind, to relax, and just see if those feelings changed and developed. And like everything else I oppose him on, he was right. He’s always right. And he will love that I am publicly admitting this fact.

I trust and trusted Sir and he was right… I trust and trusted Peep, and I trust and trusted the friendship and communication we all had and continue to have. I surprised myself that I not only wanted to be with a woman, but that I was the more aggressive one when we did finally get together. Sir’s assessment and his verbal instruction to Peep was that she would have to make the first move, and I not only surprised them both but myself in the process.

But while I have been working through all of this extra emotion, and self discovery, I feel like my submission to Sir has slipped. I have been unhappy while apart from Peep, not seeing the happiness and joy I have here at home. But I see it now, I want and need it now. I am finding the balance within myself, and in and with my Sir. I’m finding the joy in my life and need only to take Sir and Peep along for the ride!

Sir and I have talked many times of my feelings, but not to the depth I think I am now. This post marked an open discussion between us that was needed before this post was published on our blog; Sir always approves my drafts. I need and want his Dominance more than ever! I need and want his ropes about my body! I need and want his demand and denial of my orgasms. I need and want his play and control over my body and life! I need and want his desire for my submission so that my head can clear, and I know where my heart and mind are when it comes to my Peep! Otherwise my head is in limbo, and I need it to clear, but my heart will always have room for both! One as my life partner and Dom and one as my lifelong friend with benefits! ;D

Warm, submissive thoughts…

-Mynx

33 thoughts on “Feelings – the desire for…

  1. Mynx- Oh my precious Mynx… I know how this dynamic has its ups and downs, sometimes turbulent with curiosity. You know that I love you so, crave you more, and desire nothing but your happiness… Yes, there is room in your heart for my love and dear BoPeep’s too. I cherish the bond between you two, and more-so the bond which we have. I am your Dominant, you are my sub-miss. You always will be. The idea that you have opened your heart to another person does not cause me fear, anxiety, remorse or anything near it because of our trust and open communications. Simply, there is only joy, Dominance, submission and TTWD. Stay true to who you are as I will you, always, all ways… I love you Mynx!

    -Sir

    • Thank you Sir for such a beautiful heartfelt reply to my post. You have never left my side in our near 21 years of marriage. You have seen me through joy, sadness, pain, and the many ups and downs that life threw at us! Thanks for being the man with the biggest heart I know, and allowing me to always share my heart with Peep. I am forever your loving wife and submiss in all ways, always!

      In all my loving submission, Mynx

  2. Oh Mynx! Never would I have thought that I could relate to a post like this (I had sworn off friends! And a girlfriend? Ha!), but nearly every word hits home. Hard. It’s difficult to type with the tears rolling… Great post.

    • Oh Shy… I know you and Cailin are going through the same things, trying to find the words or images to express how you feel. Keep writing, it helps you sort through your emotions. Mynxie and I also have a private album we can both browse through to help us relive our special moments. Our Sirs have access to it too /giggle, but having those really helps when we are missing each other 🙂

    • I know your emotion, and tears all too well Shy! It breaks my heart to be so far away from my dearest friend ever! I have good days and bad, the good days are the ones that have been filled with much interaction with Peep, the bad ones are the ones where we have not been able to connect much, or phone calls that couldn’t happen! Then my spirits drop, and the emotions take over. My kids are older and don’t require my attention, and Sir’s job is very demanding and requires him to travel a lot, so it’s easy for me to fall apart at the lack of attention, and interaction, with her. What I want is to live close enough to plan weekend parties, and cookouts, date nights with our handsome Doms, and adult getaways, and adult fun when kids are away! I wish I could call her to go shopping, and meet me for lunch, or have our nails done together! Fuck, now Ive got tears running down my cheeks! It’s just so hard! So I totally “get it” friend! Hugs to you both…. Mynx

  3. You’re a lot like me in that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You have such a big heart and from what I know of you, you have a beautiful capacity to love. All you have to do is stay true to who you are, don’t over think it all, indulge in your submission, and breath. Yeah, I think I’ll take my own advice. But I do get how you have to process it all because these are big new feelings that can overwhelm you and you need a level of security with it. I totally get that.

    • Elle, Mynxie has the biggest and most loving heart, I’ve never met anyone like her and I’m so blessed to have her in my life. I just wish we lived closer!

    • Thanks Elle…. Your so right I do overthink things…. All the time! I also tend to overreact, and think the worst. Previous bad relationships have done harm that I’m working hard to clear from my heart and brain. But Peep deserves a clean and clear slate, as I know now she will never hurt me like others have done in my past, so I warned her not long ago, that I love with my whole heart, and it’s more than most average people ever want. But she has always welcomed it, and knows now to expect it, and is comfortable in the depth of my love for her!

  4. Oh my Mynxie… You write so well and openly about your heart! I know you’ve been struggling, but I’m always here lady, I’m not running away. You are my “person” Mynxie. Never forget that. I miss you like crazy and I’m counting the days until we can be together again!! Have that tub ready girl… I’ll need a “bath” with you to wash awsy the stress of the trip. Think the kids will buy that?? LOLOL. Love you Mynxie, less than a month to go!!

    • Peep, I don’t think either of us had a clue last October when I commented on your blog the first time just how far this friendship would go! Now look at us! We have two vacations planned this summer, totaling almost 3 weeks! And I can’t wait, it isn’t getting here fast enough.

      I will have the tub ready and plenty of bubble bath, and cocktails on hand, and yes we will find ways to have the kids buy off on the Mommies need to de-stress in the tub….. Hehehe…. I have my ways! ;D

      I miss you so much, and love you even more!

  5. Yes yes and yes. Mynx, you have hit on nearly every feeling and emotion I’ve gone/am going through…and you said it beautifully. I tried to comment this morning but couldn’t see through the tears. I know how you feel…and can completely relate to every word. So happy for you and Peep…and your Sirs too. Thanks for posting this.
    Here’s to a life full of much love and sucj sweet happiness!

    • I should copy and paste what I said to Shy here for you too! It’s so hard Cailin to navigate the sadness isn’t it! Your heart just wants to be somewhere else! It’s not that we are unhappy with our Sirs, cause I know we all have awesome loving Doms, but we want our cake and eat it too! pun intended! We just want to have these special women in our lives every day. I want to see her smiling face, I want a hug of hello and goodbye daily! And because we can’t have those things we are left with this emptiness and sadness. I live for the next planned trip, we look for reasons to have those moments! And that’s what keeps me afloat! Hugs my friend!

      • Mynxie… I’m so busy with relatives today but I wanted you to know I’m reading as I get a minute here and there. You are on my mind Mynxie, all throughout the day!!!

  6. Mynx, your honesty here is so incredibly beautiful and heartwarming. The depth of all you are feeling comes through and I thank you for sharing.

    xoxo

  7. True friendships are amazing, bonds like no other. Taking it into the sexual realm, which involves a melding of hearts and a one-flesh union must involve so many more intense, confusing and conflicting emotions, I can’t even imagine. Toss in love for your husbands, and your own families… even with a limitless capacity to love, it must still tear and strain at your hearts. Since marriage, I’ve always been a monogamous person, but in my single years there were overlaps of passionate loves, and it was inexplicably heart-wrenching to sort it all out. It can feel so very, very exciting… yet confusing (I seem to recall that both you and Peep had your sirs as your firsts and onlys? If so, I know this would be a new frontier for you on many levels). Some researchers will say that we aren’t “designed” to be monogamous… that it’s in our “nature” to be polyamorous. I don’t know the answers, but it’s been fascinating to see how this has worked out for you (there have been some mild insinuations from a life-time friend of mine that it could go further… always said in a teasing way, it’s conjured up visions in my head, but I’ve never been game to test the tease, I think it’s a “boundary” I can’t comfortably cross). I know everyone involved went into this honestly and with eyes wide open and a desire for happiness and love, which is a good thing. I care very much for both you, Mynx, and Peep– have loved your D/s journey stories and felt your caring and love towards me and my journey, and support to so many others. Knowing that you found a special friendship connection you had been lacking was wonderful. I hope for the best for you both, with wisdom and good insights for how to manage all the inevitable emotions linked to it. Hugs, DD

    • You know DD…. It goes way beyond the sexual part. She knows me better than friends I’ve had in my life for years and years. And we have only known each other since last October. She is the dearest best friend I have ever had, and I long to just be able to hang out. We have delved deep into each other’s lives… We have touched each other’s hearts in ways we both have never had before, so we are on uncharted waters, and we are slowly navigating our way through. Hugs friend! 😀

  8. A friend that you share deep feelings for & a Dom. that is happy for your happiness.
    Who could ask for anything more.. High five & love from this one.
    Kudos for sure!!

  9. Many of the feelings you express are ones I can relate to. Each time Kayla’s and I’s visit came to an end I had many of the same feelings. It is hard to overcome I will not candy coat that.
    Knowing that our good-byes were not truly a good-bye went a long way to help hold us over to the next visit.

    • I know you and Kayla both know that feeling in your heart, and in the pit of your stomach when you have to say goodbye. At least you and Kayla are together forever now! I’m not sure if Peep and I will ever be that close to one another, and it wrenches my heart to think about! I just want to be able to hang out with her when we want!

      Thanks for your kind words Sir, it’s always good to know others understand what I’m feeling and going through!

      Hugs, Mynx

  10. ((HUGS)) Love is not something given to us at birth in one lump sum that we must then parcel out over the years. It’s the exact opposite. The more love we feel, the more love we have to share.

    You love your Sir in one way, and Peep in another. I have no NO DOUBT that you’ve felt unbalanced as you’ve tried to cope with all those feelings plus missing your Peep. I’m glad you’re sorting things out and beginning to feel a little more balanced. ((HUGS))

    • Balanced is a good way to look at it! Problem is that when the scale tips one way as in not getting my needs met by one, I lean for the other one. But I’m finding that there are times neither one can keep me balanced, and it’s those times that I’m finding so difficult to balance myself!

      Love and hugs my friend! I miss you!

      Mynx

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